The Everyday Mommy

Tick Tock... Time is Flying

2011-12-23T09:41:00.000-08:00

My Gee Girl

Wow, with that title, this could be about how it has been so long since I posted over here. Or it could be about my mad dash to finish my Christmas preparations but it is not. This post, inspired by my friend Ami's blog post about her daughter, has gotten me VERY present to how fast time is flying in my own daughter's life.

When I last left off here, we had celebrated Sweet's fourth birthday and now the conversation is more often about "almost five" then anything else. My jumpy skippy four year old has morphed into a jumpy skippy singy almost five year old and I can't even fathom where the time has gone.

In her post, Ami wrote, sometimes I'd like to take a page from Alan Lightman's wonderful Einstein's Dreams and freeze time to move more slowly at critical moments. I never knew, for instance, that the last time my daughter crawled to get someplace would be The Last Time She Crawled. One day, the crawling was no more; the dance had begun.

I have a similar tale. I remember very clearly when it was time to wean Sweets from breastfeeding. I had expected it to go difficultly. That girl LOVED to breast feed. She had even invented her own babyspeak word for my breasts, and breastfeeding which she called "gee." To this day she refers to my breasts as "the gee."

When I carried her on my hip her hand almost always went inside my shirt, "gee mining" as it would come to be called in our house. And when she had reached the age when I was uncomfortable offering her my breast at the park (ok, so an entire post could be written on that subject alone!) she would tug at my clothes asking to go home so "we can gee."

That is how she said it, so "we could gee" and I never realized just how prophetic that statement was. At the time, it often felt annoying. I wanted my breasts to myself again. I was happy to offer them when it was convenient but I didn't want a two year old dictating my every move. However, when we were actually in the moment of the breastfeeding WE were really doing it together. Most moms who breastfeed have experienced the same, the bond, the love, the pure joy of being so intimately, protectively entwined with another human being is amazing. I had planned to breastfeed for the medical benefits to my daughter, I really didn't imagine the emotional benefits to the both of us.

At the time, my Sweetie and I had thought we'd like to have another child and I was repeatedly told that if I was breastfeeding it was next to impossible to get pregnant again. If we were going to do this, (I was already old when I had Sweets!) if she was to have a sibling, the window was short! So we decided, to give us the best opportunity of conceiving, we would wean our girl. (For the record, now at age 48 I would say this window has closed.)

I had worked out in my head how I would slowly reduce the number of feedings, how I would offer her other drink choices when she was thirsty and avoid being at home at her more gee needy times. I picked a random date on the calendar to "start" the process. When she woke up in the morning we had our usual session together and headed out to the park, as was our routine.

I shared with some of my mommy friends that we were starting the process so I planned to be at the park a lot, and for long stretches of time. I was going to let my daughter have her gee but I would delay it as much as possible. That day I think we stayed at the park more then four hours and when it looked as if my girl might drop in the sand for her nap, we headed home. The strategy had worked, by the time we got home Sweets was only able to take a small sip of gee before falling fast asleep. When she woke, I had some of her favorite foods and a sippy cup of juice available so we made it all the way to bedtime before she requested more.

I was thrilled. This was going MUCH better then I expected. The next day, I thought I'd introduce another tactic. When she asked for the gee. I would tell her that it was all gone at the moment and she would have to wait a while. I figured we would stay out of the house as much as possible again and then I would offer the gee only after an extended wait. So when we returned from our morning outings I tried it. I told my girl that the gee was all gone.

I really meant that the gee was gone, for that moment. I fully intended to offer it later but my sleepy baby fell asleep before that time came. She fell asleep without the gee! That had never really happened before. Amazing. I was well on my way, to the self imposed "last gee" session, which was to fall on that Friday.

I shared the success with my husband and he suggested that since she was doing so well that perhaps I should just continue to tell her "the gee is gone" and just not make it available again. I balked at this idea. Surely this was too draconian. Today was an aberration, a devoted gee-er like my girl will surely want more, but I agreed to try it.

The next morning when my girl awoke, I did not offer my breast. We skipped right past that part of our morning snuggle and jumped into breakfast. At one point I think my girl asked for gee but I replied with the planned response, "The gee is gone." And from that point on that is all that was needed. I would gently remind her that the gee was all gone and she could be satisfied with a hug or a drink, depending the real need.

Now this is all well and good for the story of weaning but what you may have noticed is I had put my "last day of gee" in my mental calendar for that Friday and as of Wednesday my girl was already gee free! I had not counted on us completing this heroic task THREE DAYS EARLY! I had planned a poignant, possibly tear filled last gee moment and I was not going to get one. My girl's last gee was Tuesday evening and we would never share another. Heck it brings tears to my eyes even today.

Like Ami, I wish there is a way to know when something really is going to be the last time. Right now, as my girl sleeps alone in her own bed, something which, at one point, seemed as impossible as eliminating gee, I can only imagine the countless last moments I am missing.

What "lasts" have you missed?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Jumpy, Skippy, Singy Girl

I haven't updated my "Stuff the Girl says" scroll in a while so I thought I would leave you with a few of her gems from this week:

"Those reindeer don't have wings and they fly."

I respond, Like a lot of Christmas things they are pretty magical.

"Am I a Christmas thing? I am pretty magical."

"I can already fly a little bit!"

~~~

Found Sweets hiding behind the couch... she got visibly upset that I had noticed her.

"Mom, I am being Rat Girl. Rat Girl does not like to be seen."

"I guess I'll just have to be Trick Girl instead. Now watch..."

~~~

She is always singing and making up songs...

"Here's a song I call, I wish I was a princess..."

~~~

Dad, "What has four sides?"

Sweets "Your head."

~~~

"Why would they name their baby Jesus?"

Upon further discussion she thought "Logan" would have been better!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those of you who don't know, or haven't joined me there yet, I blog a lot more regularly over at Bliss Habits and I would be delighted to have you join us there. I also have a companion Facebook Page where you can get all the latest updates and socialize with other Bliss advocates!

Oh, and Ami, who inspired this, has a guest post today over on Bliss Habits, entitled: Grr-Attitude: Cultivating a Defiantly Grateful Life. Do stop by, I think you will like it!

I wish you and yours a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Wordless Wednesday - Tinkerbell

2011-04-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

Wonder

To think or speculate curiously.

The ability to see the miraculous and remarkable in everything.

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Wordless Wednesday - A Humble Gift

2011-03-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

If you have been following this blog, you know I have shared this photo before! I do it again for a good cause! Click here (or on the photo) to be directed to a fantastic giving opportunity over on my new blog. For every new Bliss Habit's follower additional money will be given to charity... it costs you nothing AND you help people in need... #WIN!!

Stop by other Wordful Wednesday Posts at Parenting by Dummies

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Speaking of Joy!

2011-03-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

"Speaking of Joy" by marielliot

Wow! Does this photo speak joy or what?! I totally love it and I'm inspired by it! So much in fact it is the image I selected for my Bliss Habits launch next week!

Yes, the often mentioned blog is finally coming! Which means a couple of things.

First and foremost, you are all invited to my big launch party over on the new blog. You are welcome to stop by sooner and starting next Monday we will be having a big joy fest over there. I sent an invite out on Facebook and seemed to cause much confusion among my friends who did not understand this is a virtual party so one can stop by as much or as often as one likes!

There in addition to some regular posts, I will be conducting games, quizzes and other fun to boost interest in the blog. There will be prizes for those who choose to participate (Things like ETSY gift certificates, art cards of marielliot's photo and pledges to a charity in your name -- Heifer.org, Water.org and Japan Relief -- all will be outlined on the blog on Monday) Generally the hope is that it is fun and gets some buzz going. I would be honored if you joined the fun!

The launch of this blog may also cause a bit of a writing slump over here, or maybe not. You know how when someone gets more productive they start handling a lot more? So who knows you might actually see a big upsurge over here as well! :)

In any case I have decided that I am going to go back to my weekly topic (My 13 parenting virtues) over on this blog too. They compliment so nicely with what I am doing over on Bliss Habits and I've been missing it. Monday we will start with FUN to coincide with Bliss Habit's JOY week.

I hope that you will be inspired to have some FUN with us!

Meanwhile, I'll leave you with some recent things the girl has said:

‎"Bye Daddy... WAIT!! Don't go, I need to hug and kiss you first."

What do you want to play today? "I don't know. There are so many great things I have."

‎"We need three lemons, sugar and flour for this recipe." What are you making? "I don't know, maybe it will taste like rice."

I can help you in 10 minutes. "Ten Minutes! That is a LONG time for a kid!"

‎"I hugged you super tight today so you won't forget I love you."

Wordless Wednesday - The snails are back!

2011-03-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

If you are playing Wordful, Wordless, or Wordish Wednesday

please link up here!

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A Peg Doll Fairy's life takes flight...

2011-03-11T16:25:00.000-08:00

My friend M. of We Bloom Here is hosting a delightful little Peg Doll swap over on her blog and I decided to jump right in! Do stop by and see all the darling creations here.

We were asked to share the inspiration for our dolls. Mine, hot on the heals of my One World One Heart Fairy extravaganza, came from the beginning of the Tinkerbell movie which goes:

Have you ever wondered how nature gets its glow?

Who gives it light and color as the seasons come and go?

Who helps all creatures, great and small to walk, to swim, to fly?

Who crafts such tiny details? You might see them if you try

For it's all the work of fairies but they stay well out of sight

For the first time that a baby laughs, a fairy's life takes flight

And to accompany the wee ones to their new homes, a small note:

Few folk have seen a Fairy,

But I found this one for you.

If you believe with all your might

She'll make your dreams come true.

Wishing you all great dreams!

"Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men." - Goethe

P.S. The Bliss Habits site is launching in just two weeks. Come be an early adopter and join our Facebook community page where the fun is already starting!

Finally! The answers to the universe's biggest questions are revealed!

2011-03-09T17:03:00.000-08:00

The All Knowing One!

A few weeks ago my almost four year old started declaring "I know everything." I thought this was pretty fun. So some of my friends and I decided it would be interesting to quiz her. Here are her surprisingly intuitive answers:

How does electricity work? "It goes through your brain and makes blood for your body."

How does the sky turn blue when it has been black all night? "The sun comes up and makes it blue."

What exactly goes on in heaven? "Fish" (I asked for further clarification but she keeps saying "fish!")

What is the meaning of Life? "So you can know even more stuff." (I'm wondering if that is in addition to the Everything she already knows.)

I tried to slip in the heaven question again, for perhaps a new take, and got "I already told you! Fish!" lol

When snow melts, where does the white go? When the snow melts the white goes "to the earth."

What is the key to happiness? "The key to happiness is to unlock the door."

What is the meaning of life? "So we can love each other." (Love this one!)

What are people made of? "Lots of things. Little persons come from the heart. Big people have blood and bones and stuff."

What's the best food to eat if I want to be skinny? "Skinny food, like long noodles."

What flavor is the Moon? What came first the chicken or the egg? The moon is "chip flavor" and "The Egg" came first.

Hmmmm... ask her why snow is white and why Noelle is crazy? "Snow is white because it is berry(very) cold." Noelle is crazy because "she likes it."

The key to world peace? "A mountain." I asked why and she said "It is very tiny at the top."

In response to what happens when we die? "I can't tell you." and "When we die, I want to hold hands."

Will I ever be able to fly? "Never" and when I told her that might make you sad she said "Well, if she gets a wing suit she could!"

Where do babies come from? Her reply "Tummies!, I popped out of your tummy". I then asked, How did you get in there? "An egg I think. But I don't know what it looked like." --- good enough for me at this juncture!

Later she told Daddy, "Mommy knows lots of stuff but she doesn't know everything like me." She then mused, "Do you think she'll learn?" Daddy said he wasn't sure. Sweets decided, "I do (think she'll learn) but not today."

Oh, I do hope so!

How about you? Do you think you'll learn and/or do you have questions for the all knowing girl?

My shmooperty-dooperty BIG IDEA for the planet!

2011-03-05T14:17:00.000-08:00

photo © 2009 lululemon athletica | more info (via: Wylio)

I am getting ready to head off to my yoga class. I would love to say that I never miss a class or that I practice on my own more regularly but this is not true. I love the whole idea of yoga. Slowing down, listening to my body, stretching myself more then I thought possible etc. etc. but the real reason I love going to yoga is I love my yoga teacher. As I think about it, I love all the yoga teachers I know. There are the ones I have had the chance to take a class with and then there are also those super nice people I find out later also teach yoga, in addition to being great bloggy friends, shop keepers or preschool moms.

Bottom line, it seems that anyone who has taken the time to become yoga trained is just darn good people. Kind to others and the planet, fun to be around and generally soothing to soul. Even those who don't currently teach seem to maintain a peacefulness just not found in the general public. Which brings me to my shmooperty-dooperty BIG IDEA (confesses to watching Sid the Science Kid a bit too frequently) for the planet. What if EVERYONE went to yoga teaching school? What if such a thing were mandatory for all adults? I don't expect everyone would choose to teach but the training would serve us all.

When I mentioned this idea to my yoga teacher she thought I might be on to something. She recalled how her teacher would seek out places to breath "good air." Because of his training, he had the ability to feel the differences in air quality and how his body would react to those differences. If all people had this ability it is more likely that pollution would be a non issue.

Yoga teachers are also very kind, even when they are convincing people to do really difficult things, "Yes stretch a little bit further... you CAN get your leg up there." they do it in a way that makes me want to, at the very least try. I've been amazed at the number of times I've been able to coax my body into doing something I wouldn't have thought possible. The world could use more of this type of convincing. Imagine the gulf conflicts if people could be coaxed into seeing new possibilities, rather then bludgeoned. tricked or beaten into submission. Not to mention the fact if everyone took yoga teacher training many of the worlds conflicts would just dissolve.

You might consider my idea naive, perhaps thinking, "The world's problems are MUCH more complicated then that!" but I really think it may be very simple. Yoga teachers learn a humility and spirit of cooperation that just isn't commonly available in the world's most tense arenas. Yoga teachers learn that EVERYONE has something worth sharing, imagine if our political and business leaders actually believed that before they started a negotiation?

If yoga teachers were teaching our children, I'm convinced public schools would be thriving havens of inspiration. Children would be nurtured to learn and grow to their full potential and we wouldn't need to resort to ludicrous "No Child Left Behind" tactics. If yoga teachers ran the world it would be impossible for anyone to be left behind because every individual would be honored so greatly.

My yoga teacher ends every class by saying Namaste, which means "the light in me honors the light in you." She goes on to add that it is a plural greeting, meaning that when we say it we honor everyone who practiced with us, even if they had to leave early. This pretty much sums it all up for me... what other group of people offer such full and lovely consideration of all, even the ones who aren't there anymore! If yoga teachers ruled the world, Namaste would be a way of life.

Fairies, Fairies and more Fairies

2011-02-17T16:01:00.000-08:00

This One World One Heart event has been such fun! Last year I participated without making any of my own art. I had a great time meeting everyone and I actually visited every participating blog. This year I took a different approach and decided to create something myself and let me tell you I am hooked!! Actually it may be fair to say I am addicted. The craft room we built in the garage was set up primarily for my almost four year old to do her craft projects. I wanted a place where we wouldn't have to worry about a mess etc., but all that aside you can now find me in there at all hours of the day and night, glue gun in hand, making all sorts of fairy treasures!! I didn't visit nearly the number of blogs I would have liked... because my time was spent creating!!

Which is good news for my lucky winner #49 Tara from Sew Gorgeous! Tara please choose from the creations displayed below, one fairy (eight to choose from) and one fairy door (five to choose from) of your choice. You will also get the solar printing kit and $25 to spend at the Etsy shop of your choice.

And because I had more then 100 comments, I have an additional winner of a $25 gift to the Etsy shop of her choice for #88 Jennifer of Artistically Designed Diversions. After both of you have made your Etsy selections contact me and I will arrange payment for your treasures.

Congratulations!!!!

The magic of traveling alone or the other side of that Eurail trip.

2011-02-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

Several of you wrote that you were interested in hearing more of that Eurail trip... (Read the first part of the story here.)
photo © 2005 Anna Harris | more info (via: Wylio)

Trevi Fountain

Tossing coins in here is said to insure your return to Rome one day.

Of course I threw some in!

On Saturday I wrote about a close call I had on my Eurail trip. At the time it seemed unfathonable that a group of five people could get into trouble but it is even more amazing that I spent two months blindly counting on the kindness of strangers and I was so rarely disappointed. My husband likes to say I am missing a danger filter and while he may very well be right, I normally approach people and things expecting the best. Polyanna-ish? Perhaps, but in the case of my two month backpacking tour, things turned out far better then I could have possibly planned.

One of the great gifts of traveling alone is that you become a lot more approachable. Kind old ladies are compelled to check in and see, "Are you doing alright dear?" and fun fellow travelers are willing to break the ice, "Where are you headed?" Or "Have you been to Pisa yet?" Over and over I was able to make new friends, share a meal, get directions or even be left alone if I chose. Couples and groups were always harder to approach. They were already busy with each other, my time with my 5 friends in Greece was no different. While we were together I met very few new people, the group of five required no additional participation and while I easily could have spent my entire trip with the group, when California guy (My scrapbook from this year is in storage so I don't have access to any of the names I've forgotten.) and I headed back towards Italy I was looking forward to meeting new people and forging ahead in different directions.

On the ferry ride, which went over night and a good part of the following day, I had the chance to talk with and meet many other travelers. The boat had overnight accommodations for travelers willing to spend the extra money but in summer the Youth Hostel set camped out in the open air of the top deck. The "sleep over" party atmosphere encouraged little sleep but impromptu picnics, sing-a-longs and philosophical discussions were plenty. So many interesting people and stories. My California friend, an artist who carried more drawing supplies then clothing on his trip, spent his time sketching what he saw while I headed for the conversational groups.

I remember being startled on several occasions by the amount of "living" so many of these kids had already done. I had been an exchange student and was now on a cool Eurail tour, worldly credentials by my small upstate NY town standards, but really nothing when compared to others. There were kids on their fourth or fifth backpacking tour and a gal who had just spent a month in Morocco (not the most female friendly country) by herself and plenty of people who spoke 4 or 5 languages. My passable "tourist German" made me feel slightly superior to many American tourists (known generally in other countries as not able to speak, or even willing to try speaking another language) but in comparison to this crew I felt like a preschooler in life.

At one point I noticed a larger then average group gathered around a very tan and fit, super cute guy who I think was named Chris. He was telling the group about his "walk around the world" tour which he was trying to finish before his father disowned him. According to his tale, he had dropped out of college more then a year ago to "figure some things out" and to see if it was possible to walk around the world. Over large bodies of water he did resort to using a ferry but he claimed he was about two thirds of the way done and figured it would be a total of two years by the time he made it back home. After my experience with the pottery guy in Athens, I found I was a little skeptical of his tale but didn't feel it necessary to tell him I doubted him or at least some of his details.

Chris was a great story teller and true or not, he shared something that has stuck with me all these years. He told us that the hardest part of his trip was getting through rural China. It could be days before he saw any person and when he did they almost never spoke a common language. He also said that even without a common language the hospitality of the people was incredible. In one particularly remote village he was given a meal which included an orange for dessert. Chris had been so well fed during the meal that he didn't eat any of the orange and when it was time to go he left it on the table. More then an hour later the old woman who had given him the meal came running up behind him to give him back the orange. She had followed after him, several miles out of her way to return the gift.

Chris learned later that oranges were quite rare in this part of the world and to share one was an honor. He had unintentionally slighted the old women by leaving it behind, giving it back to him would repair the slight. It was moving to hear that she had gone so far out of her way to give the orange back and restore a stranger's honor. Over the years I have remembered this tale when doing the right thing seemed "too far to go." If that old woman could go so far out of her way to return an orange, I could go back to the store when I noticed I was not charged for everything in my bag. If that woman could run after a complete stranger I could drive the lost cell phone to it's owner, rather then waiting for them to get it. Sure, I'd like to think I would do the right thing anyway but somehow hearing about this woman, fictional or not, has made me more likely to act in a way that honors the goodness in all people.

Hearing about the orange lady fresh on the heals of being scammed in Athens helped restore my faith in human beings. I didn't like feeling wary of every little thing and subsequently resolved to look for the good. I wouldn't be stupid. I'd keep my wallet and passport hidden inside my clothing but I wasn't going to be afraid of talking to people. When I arrived in Rome I was rewarded for my faith.

While wandering around the Vatican's high walls I noticed a couple who had dropped their post cards. I picked them up and ran to return them. Many thanks given and I walked away feeling quite satisfied. A little while later I happened to drop my map and as I turned to pick it up, that same couple was behind me and we laughed as the woman returned the map to me. What were the chances of such a thing happening?

Anyway, we struck up a conversation and I joined them for coffee, where I learned she was visiting her friend who happened to live here in Rome. Her trip was ending the next day but I was invited to join them for the tour her friend was giving her. It turned out the guy was some sort of architecture expert and proceeded to show us all sorts of interesting buildings and cobblestone nooks, archways and statues not on traditional tourist maps. It was fascinating and had I not been so willing to chase after them with their postcards it may never have happened. The woman ended up giving me her unused ticket to a museum and I was also treated to a lovely dinner.

Over and over serendipity and good will followed me. That odd ball sister and brother I had met earlier on my trip reappeared in Pompeii and introduced me to a lovely women from Canada with whom I spent two days traveling. I didn't really want to spend money on a bus trip but happened to show up on "free day." A loaf of bread and a little cheese would gain my admittance to many wonderful picnics atop youth hostel roofs or in passenger cars. Yes, I had bumped into a real creep in Athens but over and over for the rest of the summer people showed me the helpful good side. Friendliness abounded and I returned to my home eager to travel again. This is also why I know, no matter how hard it will be, when my daughter is ready to spread her wings I will let her.

I'm marveling at my parents' bravery and my almost certain future.

2011-02-05T03:24:00.000-08:00

When I was twenty-one I spent the summer backpacking around Europe. My parents helped me buy a Eurail Pass and I set out to see the world. I had previously spent the year as an exchange student in Austria, so my parents were not strangers to me being long distances away, however sitting here in a parents shoes, and knowing just how close to real trouble I had skated, my heart cries in fear of my almost certain future.

I think fondly of the brave girl I once was and remain grateful and thankful that my edges of disaster never played out like the crime dramas my Sweetie and I now enjoy. That Law and Order episode where the young hitchhiker was found in a ditch could easily have been my story except the crazy guy and his sister who gave me a ride just wanted help with their gas money. If I didn't want to help pay, there were other "options" but I was never forced into anything.

At another point in my trip, I hooked up with several other travelers I had met on the train in Italy and decided to join them on the ferry to Greece. In Athens the five of us, two Americans, one Australian, one Norwegian and one Dutch, were wandering through the tourist market enjoying the haggling and the sites when we happened into a pottery vendor's stall and struck up a conversation with the owner. We were easily marked as tourists but because we were such an international bunch speaking several languages I was convinced we were "different" from the usual tourists he had met so it didn't seem at all odd when he invited us to have dinner at his brothers restaurant. "So you can see a "real" Greek restaurant. not the crappy plate throwing tourist spots." We were given the address and told he would meet us there.

We arrived at the restaurant, after paying a lot more then we wanted for a cab that squeezed an extra person in so we wouldn't have to take two, a little concerned that dinner might end up costing us way more then we were able to spend. Entering through the heavy drape that partitioned the bar from the dining area we marveled at the red velvet upholstery and ornate paneling in the room. In the five minutes it took for our contact from the market to join us we had already hatched a plan to have an appetizer and leave. This place was so out of our $2 a day youth hostel budget, I had already envisioned subsisting on bread and water for the rest of my trip.

We expressed our concern immediately and told the guy from the market that we wouldn't be able to stay for dinner. He said he was disappointed but because we had come so far, he would buy us a drink. Only one of us had ever tried Ouzo before so it seemed like a fun invitation. When the waiter left us the bottle at the table and our pottery guy also order calamari it became harder to leave. The conversation was interesting, the white liquid initially assaulting became warm and pleasant. We were laughing and everyone was having a great time.
photo © 2010 Mathias | more info (via: Wylio)
The other American, a guy from California who had traveled all summer with a backpack smaller then the one my three year old takes to preschool, was the first to express concern. "We really need to be leaving..."

To which our host replied, "What is your hurry? I'm buying."

We checked in, "Are you sure? All this Ouzo?"

"Of course!! It's my brother's place, this is our gift to you." More Calamari and some other food arrive.

"We can't pay for this."

"You don't have to..."

And in seconds, what previously felt like a warm and cozy party morphed into a dark and sickening swirl. Where exactly were we? How much of this Ouzo had we had? Was there something else in the stuff? "I don't feel so good." the girl from Holland said.

Our host tries to belay our fears. "No, no, you misunderstand. I just want to talk with you." He then singles out the Australian Girl and says, pointing to another booth across the room, "Can I just talk to you over there for a minute?"

Not really sure what else we should do, we watch as they speak in hushed tones. Minutes later she returns and he asks to speak to the Norwegian guy.

Bottom line, our "benefactor" was making in clear that we were going to have to pay for this hospitality in some way or another. If one of us, any of us was willing to have sex with him there would be no charge. If not, we had better just empty our wallets and leave.

I honestly can't remember the flurried details of those last ouzo hazed minutes when we called a cab, pretended we were going to take him up on his offer and raced out of the place while tossing a few drachma (this was way before the Euro!) on the table to lessen the chance of being arrested for not buying our meal. We were in a foreign country, did not speak the language and were fairly certain the police would not take our side.

We were not harmed but it could easily have gone another way. The five of us were traumatized and our plans to spend several more days together cut short. No one said that night was the reason, but suddenly we all had "must see" tourist destinations in different directions. The California guy and I would take the ferry back to Italy together but once there he would go north and I would head to Rome. The company was pleasant but not nearly the fun of our ride towards Greece. Our innocence was lost and we didn't want to remind each other.

I am much wiser and certainly more worldly because of that trip but it wasn't just danger that shaped me. I also have many tales of utter delight and serendipity that added to my character that summer. Looking back, I can point to several specific moments during that trip where I chose the traits of the woman I am now, and without that trip I know I would not be me.

I know some day my daughter will take her version of this trip. The bravery I learned on mine, will serve me well then.

One World One Heart comes to The Everyday Mommy

2011-02-01T15:13:00.000-08:00

Please let me begin by welcoming the world to The Everyday Mommy. This blog hopes to be a fun stop on your magic flight around the world. This blog is primarily a mommy blog, my more creative blog, Bliss Habits, is on hiatus so I wasn't sure I would participate this year, but the momentum of this event is too powerful to resist!

For those of you who haven't heard of One World One Heart I urge you to run right over to Lisa Swifka's wonderful blog for all the details! OK, it would be nice if you entered my giveaway first!

So here is the deal for this marvelous event... stop by any of the I'm sure to be thousands of blogs and leave a comment to possibly win a fabulous prize! That is it! No gimmicks, nothing to join, nothing to sign up for, a simple comment and you are entered. Last year I won six or seven BEAUTIFUL one of a kind pieces of art, and more importantly made dozens of new bloggy friends. Even if you don't have time to run a giveaway on your own blog, do take a few minutes and stop by some of the participating blogs to be enchanted and welcomed with open arms! Find all the participating blogs here.

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For those of you who have followed my blogs you may recall that I have been working on the transformation of my garage into a workable, warm and inviting crafting/creation spot for our family. Well, corresponding nicely with this event I might add, we have (mostly) finished this project!

Here is a photo of my girl already at work :

Now that we have the space...
we are ready to create something fabulous for you!

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And now on to the giveaway!

We will be creating a one of a kind fairy friend and fairy door for your home! The exact fairy and door are yet to be determined as my girl and I will be making several over the next few weeks. Our winner will be invited to select their favorite! In addition to the fairy and fairy door of your choice our winner will also be awarded a a small solar printing kit for making their own treasures and $25.00 to spend in the ETSY shop of your choice!

A sample of your possible fairy treasures!

Remember, we will be creating more fairies and fairy doors and the winner will choose their favorite. Also, for every 100 entries I will add an additional prize of a $25 gift certificate* to the ETSY shop of your choice! (I love sponsoring artists so let's see how many of these prizes we can generate!)

So go ahead and enter below with a simple comment -- Please be sure to leave me your blog address and/or email so I can get in touch with you if you are a winner! One comment per person please! On February 17th I will announce and notify my winners! (* Will award up to a maximum of $150.00 ETSY shop dollars)

Good Luck and have a fabulous flight around the world! Click here to find all the participating blogs.

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If you care to find out more about us... here are a couple of my favorite posts:

Empowerment: Ronious Style - It is like a Ninga Art!

Eight Surprising Things About Me

Jungle Lessons: A Path to Serenity in Everyday Life

Let the magic begin!

2011-01-31T10:31:00.000-08:00

Funny how a few days off can stretch into weeks and a forced hiatus from my bliss blog can induce pure slacker tendencies. I've missed you! and a few of you have come looking for me so it is nice that you have missed me as well. So I'm back.

My little hiatus has taught me one thing. Not that this is a new revelation, I already knew this, but the big AH HA for me is that you really do get what you focus on. Last year, when I was conducting my Everyday Bliss experiment and focusing each week on each of 13 virtues of Bliss I really enjoyed a lot more bliss. I'm planning on kicking off the experiment again in a few weeks ("Like" the new Bliss Habits facebook page to stay informed of my progress) but during this interim I've spent a lot of time concentrating on the things that are not working.

You know, things like my failed exercise regimen, my complete inability to keep my house clean and the fifty or so annoyances associated with learning a new blogging platform and getting my online stuff in order so I can blog "seriously" or what ever all that means. Pretty much all Bliss sucking thoughts. Not having romance week on the calendar has hurt me in that department too. My Sweetie and I both pulled out the stops for prior passion and romance weeks but this six month hiatus has left us with nary a date night. Yeesh!

Yep you get what you concentrate on. So effective immediately I will be concentrating on the magic that surrounds me. First and foremost I am declaring this week Romance week in my house! Valentines day is coming early over here! I am also going to listen to all the sage advice flowing from my girl's lips. Recently she has declared "I know everything!" so I've been testing her...

What is the meaning of life? "So we can love each other."

What are people made of? "Lots of things. Little persons come from the heart. Big people have blood and bones and stuff."

How does the sky turn blue when it has been black all night? "The sun comes up and makes it blue."

How does electricity work? "It goes through your brain and makes blood for your body."

What is the meaning of Life? "So you can know even more stuff."

When snow melts, where does the white go? "To the earth."

What is the key to happiness? "To unlock the door."

She isn't even four yet and I think she knows a lot more about Bliss then her mother!

I'm also going to create some magic and participate in this year's One World One Heart blogfest. For those of you who haven't heard of this click here or on the little box below to learn all about it, and come back tomorrow when I jump in with a mother/daughter art project and prize!

Before I'm 50 and the shock of mortality

2011-01-06T10:56:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite bloggers, Rachel Cotterill recently updated her Before I'm 30 list and I found myself smacked upside the head with my own mortality. I've been following Rachel's progress on her list for a while now. I have been moved by her on going commitment and willingness to share her progress but suddenly this time around I am inspired to create my own list.

[On a side note, today is Rachel's birthday so if you were to stop by her website and say hello I'm sure she would be tickled! You can check out the book she has written while there too!]

When I thought about making my own list I also realized I would not be able to start a before I'm 30 list as she had. 40 was out and fifty is nary three years away!

Fifty.

Five Zero.

Half a century! and if I am to be brutally honest ALREADY more then half way on my trip here on planet earth.

Maybe I should try before I am sixty. After all, as Anthony Robbins said in a seminar I attended, "Once you have mastered time, you will understand how true it is that most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year - and underestimate what they can achieve in a decade!"

60 certainly gives me some more time. Unfortunately thinking of a number that high makes me think of the "Bucket List," immortalized by Rob Reiner's film and although brilliant, the whole thought of it makes me feel old. I realize I have no choice but to march in that direction but I need a different younger feeling quest.

So, before 50 it will be!

This gives me 27 months to accomplish what ever it is I choose to do. Long enough to make some big goals possible yet short enough to disallow lallygagging. Hmmm that sounds about right. I am easily distracted but can concentrate brilliantly in short bursts. I am not feeling quite as ambitious as my friend Rachel, who came up with 25 goals, I am instead picking 10 goals.

Professional Goals
Have 10,000 followers for the new Bliss Habits blog
Create a monthly income stream from my online endeavors ($2,000/month by 12//11)
Launch The Practical Revolutionary site (to happen after Bliss Habits reaches 10,000 followers)
To write a minimum of three great blog posts per week (Great is measured by my personal satisfaction and reader response.)

Philanthropic Goals
To donate 20% of my online business profits to Charities ($5,000 in 2011,)
To create giving challenges on my blogs that encourage others to do the same.

Personal Goals
To make daily exercise a family habit
To be fully present when buying food and planning menus.
Simplify -- wardrobe overhaul, hair cut, free-cycling unwanted/unneeded household items
Live my Bliss Habits (Have my family and friends benefit fully!)

I'm realizing that my personal goals require a little "flushing out" so I may in fact end up with a few more specific goals. I've added a page to this site where I will update and make adjustments to the list. Stop by regularly and see how I am doing!

Clearly this post and my list are a work in progress, but the take away I hope to leave you all with is, that it is down right exhilarating to make such a list. As a mostly stay at home mom it has been very easy for me to while away my days without any clear direction. Spending time with my daughter was an end unto itself but it has also given me an excuse for ignoring many of my own goals and wishes.

Is it time for you to make your own list?

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Many thanks again to Rachel for inspiring me.

To check out her list go here.

To read an excerpt from her book

go here.

Wordless Wednesday Caption fun - Caged Kids Edition!

2011-01-05T03:15:00.000-08:00

Play the Caption Game here. Link up your WW posts below!

Photo by Santosh Ramdev
http://babygreene.org/ 12/20/10

If you are playing Wordful, Wordless, or Wordish Wednesday

please link up here!

Stop by other Wordful Wednesday Posts at Parenting by Dummies

Wordish Wednesday's are brought to us by Supermom

Standard Wordless Wednesday Posts are available at

Wordless Wednesday

and

5 Minutes for Mom

Confessions of a Christmas School Bus

2011-01-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

I can't say this was the best Christmas effort on record but a large dose of merry was finally successful at making itself present in our house. I'm really not sure why the adrenaline rush of pulling everything together at the last second is so satisfying but it really is. The only sad detail to an otherwise festive outcome is that our little tree has already stopped drinking water which means my safety conscious sweetie will be pushing him to the curb later today. Since we got started so late I was really hoping we could keep it up another week.

As I type this I am getting ready for my Christmas tradition of playing holiday music, one last time, and returning the decorations to their storage bins. This time I also plan on sipping the champagne that went untouched New Years Eve. How wonderful it is to note that a quiet, barely celebratory evening with my Sweetie was exactly the way I wanted to ring in the New Year. After a week of having our home filled to the brim and activities busying us each day well into evening a calm and quiet night was sheer perfection!

My family flew in from the east coast Christmas morning and spent the week with us packed into our little house. My girl was not all that excited about giving up her room for their stay but finally came to terms with it and in the end would love to have it continue if her cousins, Aunt Elizabeth and Nonnie could always be here. She loves them so much and although she "decided I will stay here with you" rather then returning to New Jersey with them (I believe she thought it was a real option), they were given places of honor the week they shared with us..

Aunt Elizabeth would be "the mommy" for the entire trip and cousin Jake would be the "daddy" to her "little kid." Nonnie (her Grandmother) would be the "little sister" and cousin Sage would be the "big sister." Daddy was tickled to be called the "little brother" and I waited in anticipation for my new moniker.

It was decided I would be "school bus."

School Bus?

Really? Originally I though this was my designation for a little game that had me running ahead "picking people up" for trips to other doors in the house but no, this was my handle for the rest of the visit. I was told plainly "You can be the mommy again when they go home." and then was called school bus or sometimes just bus for the rest of the visit. We would head into a restaurant and I would be told that "Mommy is sitting here and Bus should sit over there. In the car, big or little sister should sit next to her and bus should sit somewhere else.

It wasn't all bad being the bus. At one point we settled down to watch My Neighbor Totoro, a favorite movie Aunt Elizabeth, aka Mommy, had gifted our "little kid," and in it, a Cat Bus saves the day! The School Bus was ecstatic. One of my own kind had made good. Of course it was made clear that I was NOT a cat bus, but a bus can dream!

Totoro and the Cat Bus

The thing that fascinated me about this whole game is the fact that my girl played it for a full six days. Once we were assigned our roles that was it. I had to get used to hearing her say mommy and not mean me. When she did want me or my services, I was called School Bus. She told me "School Bus I love you." and all manner of regular things she says to me daily but if I tried to be mommy I was put in my place. Aunt Elizabeth would be the holder of the special title until her departure.

And true to her word on New Year's Eve, once everyone had left I once again became mommy. Having just a few days without the title has me cherishing it all the more. Thank you Christmas School Bus for showing me how precious my everyday is!

Wishing you and yours all manner of precious EVERYDAY in the New Year!

Today is the day! Christmas spirit rising with the full moon!

2010-12-21T08:06:00.000-08:00

Did you get to check out the lunar eclipse today? I did not. The weather has been so bad I didn't even think it was worth trying and as it turned out things cleared up for a little while so I could have caught it! In case you missed it, like me, here is a thirty three second recap.!

Awesome!

For those of you following my sad little Christmas tale... we still do not have a tree and we haven't hung a light! Refer to this post for all my fine excuses, but today is the day! I'm getting my sorry tush in gear and we are making this place shine, I've hired a sitter for tomorrow so I will actually be able to get my shopping done. Depending on how well things go today I'm even willing to hire help to get the floors clean. This is crazy time! And, truth be told, I love it.

Sure I dream of idyllic Norman Rockwell moments where I casually write Christmas cards while sipping cocoa by the fire but I'm just not that gal! There was a Christmas in the past when I put up five, yes 5, trees in my home all with different themes (The under water tree with blue and green lights and fish ornaments was my favorite that year) but that was one over achieving over compensating burst the Christmas after a break up. I was "going ahead" with my annual party without my ex and it had to be better then ever!

Perhaps that is exactly the lesson here. I no longer have to prove anything. I have a family who loves me and will attend my party no matter what! I could honestly skip everything and it would be ok. Of course because I love them so much I would never do that. I want my daughter to have holiday traditions and I want things to look nice but the greatest gift is being together. Even if the dust bunnies stay under the beds, the Christmas Music will be playing and we will be singing.

Heck, I can hear all the Whos down in Whoville now!

Fah who for-aze! Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze! Dah who dor-aze!
Welcome Christmas, Welcome Christmas,
Come this way! Come this way!

Yes, "Come this way" and every way!

Wishing you and yours a most joyful holiday season.

Friday Fragments - With a bunch of Bliss

2010-12-17T09:04:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how long it has been since I wrote a Friday Fragments post! Glad to be back sharing the fragmenty goodness. Brought to us by Mrs. 4444 over at Half-Past Kissin' Time. Do stop by and visit!

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I slowed down on the Friday Fragment posts generally as soon as The Girl started her preschool program. It is a parent participation program and Friday mornings are my day to help out... sure I could have written my post BEFORE a Friday but somehow that never happened! My daughter is out sick today, finally on the upswing of a bad cold, so I am here to do this. A lot has happened.... let's get started!

First of all I disappeared cyber-ly when my family took a 10 day computer-less vacation in Hawaii. I used to announce my vacations on my blog and write about how excited I was to be packing etc. but then my security conscious Sweetie mused about whether or not this was a good idea. The whole broadcasting that we are out of the house and everything. I'm still not that paranoid myself (perhaps because I might be grateful if some of this stuff disappeared!) but I honored my Sweetie's request to keep it quiet. It kind of felt like I was sneaking out of town by not saying anything.

How about you? How do you handle "broadcasting" or not your vacation plans?

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Now about the trip... it was totally fabulous! I got to read an actual book, drink mai tais, walk in the sand and watch my girl go from barely being able to put her face in the water to swimming under water on her own. It was marvelous. Here are a couple of pics.

Check out that picture of My Sweetie and I alone!! We actually hired a sitter and returned to the restaurant where we celebrated on our honeymoon! It was really fun. Last year we were in Hawaii for our Anniversary and we returned to this restaurant too but we also had The Girl with us... NOT the same experience LOL.

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Speaking of Anniversaries... this year ours came after the Hawaii trip but because we generally think of our dinner at Capishe as our "Anniversary Dinner" no matter what actual date it happens, I wasn't really expecting much on our "real" day. Foolish, foolish Kathy! Once again my Sweetie out did himself!

We woke up and he told me he had a surprise and we should all be ready to go out for brunch by 10:00. Now we almost never leave the house on weekends BEFORE noon so this was already different. When we stopped at McDonalds!!! (We never eat there.) I should have guessed something was up. Well, I KNEW something was up I just didn't know what. After we ate, quickly because hubby was telling us to hurry, we piled back into the car and I was delivered to a SPA!!! I had an entire afternoon of pampering all by myself!! It was so nice, Then to top the whole thing off when I arrived home these were in my living room!

Four dozen SUPER long stem roses! I have never seen such long roses! They are as tall as our girl!! Incredible. Yep, I really do have the best Sweetie on the planet.

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I am really excited about how things are going over on the Bliss blog. The new design is coming out so great. (Go take a sneak peak over here.) For those of you not familiar with that blog, in it I explore what I call the 13 Virtues of Bliss. On the new site each of the virtues will have their own home page devoted to resources for developing the habit of that particular virtue. Each week I concentrate on one of the virtues, play games and invite my readers to play along. On the new site I plan to showcase art that speaks to my virtues and I will also be featuring guest bloggers who have something to say on the topic... I think it will be a lot of fun and hopefully very inspirational for me as well as you!

By the way, if you think YOU have something to share -- art, a point of view... that would contribute to any of the virtues please do let me know! I will be launching the new blog in late January or early February. If you want to be notified please let me know in a comment here or over there!

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OK now let's get to the good stuff!

Here is some of the STUFF THE GIRL SAYS (or is that has said) since last time!

"I love you mommy. You are the best mommy I never had!"

On being sick. "Will I never get better?" and "Help! I need a hanky." and "My nose just keeps running and running ALL day."

"Pick the one you want. -- No NOT that one!"

I was handed a stuffed kitty. "I thought you would like her because she is getting older like you!"

"This shark is my FAVORITE guy" I thought Minnie was your favorite? "Oh mommy, you can have LOTS of favorites!"

"I had a dream about a lady bug. I was outside and he landed on me. Then he waved at me with one of his itty bitty feet and said goodbye. Then he flew away to see his other friends. That lady bug knows everybody just like me!"

The girl's introduction to all her new friends (and EVERYONE was a new friend!) at the pool, "Hi my name is Jessie. I am three. I can run very fast." Demonstration of running follows.

"Did you visit Hawaii even before I was a person?" Yes we did. "You guys go to Hawaii a lot!"

"Why don't we live in Hawaii?" The final pronouncement on the trip.

"Daddy could you try to sleep like a girl?" (no snoring LOL)

"Can I have a dark light" What's a dark light? "It makes dark not light. I need one when the sun is too bright."

"I wanted to be good today"

"Maybe next time we can be birds mommy. They can fly high and I would like to touch the sky. Even baby birds fly a little. I can't fly yet at all."

On the way out the door. "Daddy I am leaving you my red scissors and my pink ones, if you need to cut something. Maybe you can cut something for me. Will you need the glitter glue?"

"I want a three head not a four-head."

And my all time favorite of the bunch:

"Hey mom, does this look tricky or dangerous?"

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An embarrassing reality of the Christmas Countdown

2010-12-16T10:24:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays!! I just saw a little ticker on the top of someone's blog that said "10 days until Christmas." Wait a second, that was yesterday so now we're down to 9!" How the heck did this happen? The blog owner said she was "now ready." Several of the people who commented chimed in to say that they had wrapped their last present or finished shopping... I could not believe it. With nary a gift bought, I am in total denial that the holiday is approaching!

Every year I tell myself, this will be the year that I plan ahead and actually have time to slow down and enjoy the holidays but somehow it never seems to happen. This year "my excuse" is the fact that I have the entire contents of my garage STILL littering my family and living rooms. Last month we started the Garage re-do and have gotten as far as the sheet rock and paint. The cabinets are still unassembled and unless they are completed this weekend we will be piling all the stuff back into the garage to make way for the Christmas tree.

Some of you are probably wondering why we are even going to cause our selves all this additional stress. I mean, our girl would be just as happy decorating a little table top tree and has no expectations for how things are supposed to go. Well, it is just that we also picked this year to invite my entire family out for the celebration. My mother and nephew have NEVER been to California to visit us and no one has visited since we moved into this house last October. So we want it to be awesome!

My husband and I actually used their pending visit as the motivation for doing the garage. We do this sort of thing regularly. Left to our own we would never "get to" many things, so we make up deadlines that involve other people. Getting the garage done before family arrives is one of these type of deadlines.

I am not a great housekeeper but I can use my vanity to keep things in check. If I have a house guest coming I can kick things into high gear and have the place looking pretty good in a relatively short amount of time. I just couldn't stand it if a visitor ever saw how it really is. I even do this for my husband. The hour before his return from work is spent with me "minimizing the damage." He prefers things tidy so I do my best to to keep the disaster in check. My daughter and I are craft and activity tornadoes so it is a rare day when every game, glue bottle, paper sequin and feather finds its way back to it's proper home.

The garage re-do is actually designed to help us mitigate the daily in house damage since we are now going to have a designated craft area in the new space. Alas. we are still a little while from this reality. To top things off the girl has been suffering from a terrible cold and we have been housebound for the past few days. Keeping two mess making tornadoes confined to a home does not lead to a Martha Stewart like reality. Sure we have some BEAUTIFUL glitter stars and pinecone ornaments ready for hanging when that tree presents itself, but we also have a floor covered with glitter, tables piled with drying items and scraps of paper littered about the living room. Home made cookies ARE awaiting placement in pretty gift jars but flour and sugar are being tracked all around the kitchen and family room.

All this mess combined with the piles of garage stuff is daunting, even for a good under pressure type of gal like me. Nine days to go. As I survey the place, it looks like we need nine weeks!

So how about you? With nine days to go, where do you stand?

Me? I'm going for the Christmas Miracle. I believe we're going to pull the whole thing off!

Wordless Wednesday - Fairy School

2010-12-15T00:03:00.000-08:00

Play the CAPTION GAME here!

(Link up Below!)

If you are playing Wordful, Wordless, or Wordish Wednesday

please link up here!

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Stop by other Wordful Wednesday Posts at Parenting by Dummies

Wordish Wednesday's are brought to us by Supermom

Standard Wordless Wednesday Posts are available at

Wordless Wednesday

and

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A revelation in parenting. What we shouldn't be saying to our children.

2010-12-13T11:58:00.000-08:00

photo © 2010 christopher cornelius | more info (via: Wylio)

My Girl is not smart. My Girl is not smart...

Wow. Trying to say that like a new mantra. I recently read an interesting NYT Magazine article which said that we shouldn't be telling our children that they are smart. The article provided some compelling information and the writer, Po Bronson, confronted her own "Praise Junkie" habit.

I have to admit reading the article with a bit of a bias. I thought telling my child she was smart was a good thing. You know the whole self esteem thing. I wanted to read the compelling research and confidently conclude, "that's malarkey." I have been telling my girl she is "so smart" since she first cooed, or was that burped, in my direction.

As I was reading the article my own education came flooding back to me. I recall very clearly being put in the "smart group" in the third grade. Our teacher was experimenting with some open concept of school which would allow each child to learn at his or her own pace. The kids were divided into different groups and we "smart kids" were left on their own for a lot of the time. We all could read and write above our grade level so we were allowed to choose what we wanted to learn which in my case pretty much meant concentrating on proving that I could do beautifully things I had already mastered. If there was something I didn't know how to do I could actually avoid it because it was assumed we already knew the basics. We would make it to fourth grade even if we didn't learn anything new this year.

What happened for me that year is I learned how to game the system. I could maintain my "smart" standing as long as I performed well publicly on things I was already competent in. If I didn't know how to do something or even thought I didn't I wouldn't chance doing it. I really couldn't risk the embarrassment. I was an an extrovert so I got very good at volunteering when I knew I could shine and staying pretty quiet when I was unsure. The rest of my school career was punctuated by these apparent bursts of genius and I would wager a guess that most of my high school friends would classify me as "smart" even though I was far less then competent in many of my classes.

Being thought of as smart became more important then actually learning. It was more important not to be seen as failing then it was to be seen learning and possibly struggling. In high school I avoided courses that might have challenged and chose instead courses where I would easily shine. What I neglected to learn is that all accomplishment takes work and going through school and later college only doing the things that came easy to me kept me from doing the things tat really called to my heart.

I adore the mysteries of the universe but unable to chance the humiliation of possible failure I stayed away from physics. I took an honors English class and an Art class instead. I still looked smart but I wasn't learning what I really wanted to be learning. Physics would have been hard for me since I had never learned how to apply myself and study. Also, I just couldn't risk falling from my "smart kid" pedestal.

Fast forward to today and I can see I've been set up to make the same mistake with my daughter. She really IS smart so the phrase rolls easily off my tongue.

The other day she was building with her Citiblocs, making towers of varying heights and one of them kept falling down. I have seen her try and try to make things work previously but this time she said, "Mommy, can you do it for me? I can't do it." I told her I thought she could and she should try again. She growled. "I don't want to. I can't do it." I realized in this moment that I had always praised the big towers she was successful at making. I didn't always praise when I caught her trying something that was unsuccessful.

The NYT Magazine Article recommends praising our kids for their effort not their innate abilities. This makes SO much sense to me now. By applauding my daughter's easy achievements I am teaching her that it is important to already know the answers. In time she, like her mother before her, won't even want to test things for fear of looking like she doesn't know how.

By applauding her effort, "You really worked hard on that." I am telling her that the outcome isn't the most important thing. I don't want Sweets to avoid her heart's calling just because the road may be difficult. Looking back, I have many regrets, hopefully I have just learned how to help my girl from having to relive this particular one! If nothing else, I am willing to work hard at it!

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Are you a praise junkie too?
Do check out the New York Times Magazine article here

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I thought it would be fun to play the hopping game.

Click on the button and join us!

Have you ever really looked at the person in the mirror?

2010-12-09T15:27:00.000-08:00

photo © 2007 Gisela Giardino | more info (via: Wylio)

My vacation last week, gave me the chance to read most of Patti Digh's wonderful book Life is a Verb. At one point in the book, Patti catches her daughter looking at herself in the mirror. Emma, not yet a teenager, was at a delicate point in her development when judgement was entering the picture. My three year old looks in the mirror all the time but so far the character on the other side of the glass is nothing more then another play thing. In Emma's case she had reached a delicate moment when her gaze would also measure her worth.

Patti, was anxious. What would her child decide? Tip toe-ing toward adulthood could she already be wondering if she was pretty, or fat, or any of the other measurements we assign to gauge our value?

I personally have never liked looking in the mirror. I do it rarely. A quick glance while brushing my teeth. If something looks off... a crazy hair out of place, could that really be a pimple?! My gaze will go directly to the offending item. Rarely do I see my whole face.

My experience with a full length mirror is perhaps even worse. I will stand before it only when I am uncertain if something I have on is "too tight." Those jeans pulled from the bottom of the pile haven't been worn in a while, were they really this snug before? I stand in front of the mirror and once again I can not see me. I see a waistline, bulging or not. That spot under my butt cheek, is it being lifted or flattened? Would I be embarrassed if anyone saw me in this? That isn't a camel toe, is it?

Several years ago I took a public speaking course and one of the assignments was to spend two minutes looking at ourselves in the mirror. Later we would work up to doing full presentations in front of the mirror but for this initial assignment it was two VERY LONG minutes. I hated it. I avoided the assignment and eventually I just said I did it when I didn't really. Sure I stood there for two minutes but I didn't really look at myself.

What was I afraid I might see?

Likely it was the very things Patti was fearing her daughter might find. It is the insidious loop in our brains that feeds us other people's opinions about what is right. It isn't just about our appearances either. If I spent that two minutes with the woman on the other side of the glass I might discover she isn't nearly as smart as I hoped and those quirky eccentricities I cling to and love may actually turn out to be down right weird.

Thinking back to my childhood, I remember diving into crazy fashion expressions, white clogs, colorful scarfs, even a red hat (and, no in the tenth grade I did not also wear purple with that hat!) but this was mostly because I was never sure I could really pull off the real fashions of the day. If I wore funny clothes then oddly enough people could look past the clothes. At least that is what it felt like to me. If I could "blend in" I would, but if ever I felt like I couldn't than I would punt and go in a totally different direction. If I was crazy, even clownish (I was voted class clown in high school) then I was just Kathy being Crazy Kathy and I didn't get evaluated on the same scale as everyone else. I spent my entire young adulthood avoiding the "real scale."

In my mid twenties I had a few glimpses of feeling beautiful although there was always a girl who could steal my thunder. I created a story about myself in which I had told God, before I was born, that I wanted to be pretty in this life, but not too pretty. I didn't want my looks to get in the way, in either a good or bad way. I wanted to to be pleasant to look at, but nothing more, because it was important that I be valued on the merits of my life well lived.

This story helped shore me up when my crushes weren't interested but a funny thing happened. Once I relinquished a quest for beauty I began to judge myself on a different scale. There are twenty year olds who have already made their first millions, wrote a book, saved lives, hiked around the world, whatever. My life wasn't looking all that "well lived" after all. Bottom line I wasn't judging myself on my own scale. I was always comparing and if I looked, really looked in the mirror that girl just doesn't measure up.

Which brings me back to Emma. Patti tell's it this way:

As she modeled in the mirror, She called out to me: "Mama! Mama!" I went to the door waiting for the truest sign that she was lost in the Beauty Cult.

"Mama do you think...?"

"Do you think I look...?" Here it comes, I thought.

"Do you think I look interesting?"

My heart burst open! What a wonderful measure of worth--not "beautiful." but "interesting." It was a better yardstick, a richer and more human one, a sustaining and sense making one, a yardstick to measure by, a true one."

Interesting!! How marvelous. My heart was swelling too. I was happy for Patti and Emma, for my little daughter approaching her time and for me!

Thank you Emma! I knew now that I could extend an olive branch to my nemesis. I approached the mirror with confidence. I was not coming for tea but we were going to have a real two minute visit. The one I had been avoiding for a long time. I was a little shy at first and in fact wasted a few seconds noticing a small piece of broccoli stuck in my tooth, but once I caught myself and laughed out loud, I was really there with her.

And guess what? She really IS interesting!!

and I bet your friend in the mirror is too!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I heartily recommend you check out

and Patti's Blog

37 Days

We are all Dancers. The Genius Lesson from my Three Year Old

2010-12-07T13:12:00.000-08:00

The other day I caught my daughter literally transfixed on the television. It was a holiday production of Swan Lake and she was entirely captivated. I was moved by her apparent interest in the program and innocently asked, "Do you think you want to be a dancer when you grow up? You could learn how to dance like that..."

I really thought I was being the encouraging and supportive mom but her hurt expression told me another story. "But I am already a dancer!" she exclaimed, clearly hurt that I might be suggesting otherwise.

It is true. My daughter is a dancer. She leaps into action at the slightest hint of music. Random humming by her mother can evoke entire productions and every television theme song has it's own number. My girl can not walk in a straight line, ever. Where ever we go her gait is punctuated with pirouettes and leaping flourishes, spins and bows, dancing all the time!

What could I have been thinking?

I was thinking, in my overly trained adult mind, that dancing didn't count unless it was professional grade. And when I say professional grade, that means someone with credentials must declare it so. Those Swan Lake performers made the cut by some director trained in evaluating ballet so I give them the nod of inclusion in my narrow little world. My daughter's dance moves are often quite fantastic. Perhaps better then some professional ones but I am willing to discount them because she is not trained.

What ever happened to dancing for the sheer joy of it?

I suddenly recalled a study I read about somewhere in which a group of Kindergartners were asked to raise their hands if they were dancers, artists, singers, etc. All the kids raised their hands for everything. When the same question was posed to adults only 20% or less of the people raised their hands.

I would not have raised my hands even though I sculpt regularly with play doh, make up songs and sing stories about a mythical red iguana named Jelly, and dance multiple times daily with my daughter.

Somehow I discounted all of it.

This ends today. I am an artist. I am a chef. I am an architect. I am a dancer!

Who are you?

Finally back with some Friday Fragments

2010-11-12T11:04:00.000-08:00

It's Friday so you know what that means. Time for an installment of fragmenty goodness. Brought to us by Mrs. 4444 over at Half-Past Kissin' Time. Do stop by and visit all the other fragmenty goodness!

This could be the ultimate Friday Fragments! It has been WAY too long since I have posted here and because I've been working at The Girl's preschool on Fridays I haven't been able to post on Fridays. This week I switched shifts so here I am! Notice I am not including my parenting virtues this week... I just haven't been keeping up with that so I think I'm going to remove them all together. I love the virtues but I just don't post on topic as much as I would like. I don't know... looks like an overhaul of this blog might be required. Which reminds me...

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I am thrilled to report that I have officially hire a blog designer for my Everyday Bliss redesign. I have decided I want to see if I can make this a professional blog and ultimately make some money doing what I love... which is encouraging more Bliss in the world. I think I may have mentioned that the domain "EverydayBliss.com" was not available so I've had to look for a new name. Take a tip from me, if you like your Blog Name spend the $10 a year to buy it! If I had only done so when I started the name could have been mine.

Anyway, I digress. So I spent a lot of time brainstorming and finally while on a call with my friend Lisa from Life Unity came up with the available name www.BlissHabits.com! Woo Hoo! It is currently pointing over to the old Everyday Bliss Blog but sometime in January will be moving to its final home. I have also purchased MyBlissHabits.com with the intention of making that a user community page where people can share their Bliss games, advice insights etc. It should be a lot of fun! If any of you former Everyday Bliss or future Bliss Habits readers have anything you would like to see on the new site do let me know! I'll be updating again as I get closer to launch!

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I am super excited about the upcoming holiday season. My Sister and her family and my Mom are all coming for Christmas week. This will be the first trip out here my mom has taken so I am totally thrilled. We are hoping to woo her with the lovely California weather which will be a welcome change from Upstate NY winters and encourage more visits in the future.

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A couple of weeks ago I shared my new obsession about HubPages. Since that time I've written a couple more but no where near the volume I would like to have. Theoretically I would like to write a hub a day but that just ain't gonna happen. I'm shooting now for three a week but since announcing my intention have had the worst case of writers block! Isn't it funny how that happens! That is part of the problem over here. If you are curious please hop on over to see one of these:

My WordPress user pet peeve

Baby Wearing

Stuff The Girl Says (two year old edition)

My Favorite Wooden Toy for The Girl

Musings on a French Fry

I also have the problem of being a very slow typist. I still hunt and peck more then type so something that should take minutes takes me hours. I am going to try out some voice recognition software to see if that potentially can help boost my output. I have a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head I just want to get them out! LOL

------------

I think I mentioned, more then a few times that we have some Garden Snails as pets. I was wondering if we were torturing them and/or if the habitat we provide was suitable. All my fears were laid to rest when we discovered a nest of eggs in the corner of the aquarium. We are going to be snail mommies. Actually the hatching has already begun and in a day or so the tiny snails will dig themselves out of the dirt. I am not committed to keeping 20-25 more snails (average number expected to survive the journey out of the dirt) so we will be setting them free in our yard at some point. Until them this little science project of ours is totally thrilling!

------------

Ok then. Let's get to the good stuff. Here are some of the classic things the Girl has said and done in the past couple of weeks!

"Amember the next day when you told me I was a dinosaur?" No I don't. "You did! You said it!" I don't remember but ok, you're a dinosaur. "No I'm not!"

"Mom he said, "Hit it!" and nobody hit anything!"

Introducing me to a new garden snail she found, "Mommy that Mr. Snail-ey is so funny. He just told me a little joke about a little camel."

After climbing out the bathroom window!!! "I'm ok. I landed on my feet and everything!" (Good thing we live in a one story house!!)

At the grocery store check out."We got these chips for my daddy. He's not dead yet so we bought him these."

OK mom. I'm going to snag that tape. Don't follow me." What are you going to do with the tape? "Nothing. Don't follow me."

"Daddy, you and I are a team today. Mom isn't on our team. Maybe nextday for her."

Update to "team" conversation. "Mommy you can be on my team in the day. Dad you have night. On "dad-days" (what we she calls weekends) we can be the family team all together!"

My all time favorite of the past week:
"Mommy I don't want to die for a long time but when we do can we hold hands?"

That totally brings a tear to my eye.

Next Post: Trying to make that happen Monday!

Wordless Wednesday - Super Kitty!

2010-11-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

Topic of the Week

Wonder

To think or speculate curiously.

The ability to see the miraculous or remarkable in everything.

Kitty was not enough. The Girl added the cape to be Super Kitty!

If you are playing Wordful, Wordless, or Wordish Wednesday

please link up here!

Stop by other Wordful Wednesday Posts at Parenting by Dummies

Wordish Wednesday's are brought to us by Supermom

Standard Wordless Wednesday Posts are available at

Wordless Wednesday

and

5 Minutes for Mom

Next Post: We have eggs!!

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity,Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Wonder. Next week 's topic is Listening.

You can make money online or my new obsession with hub pages!

2010-11-02T09:50:00.000-07:00

Topic of the Week

Wonder

To think or speculate curiously.

The ability to see the miraculous or remarkable in everything.

I've been so quiet over here. I know. I know. Not a good idea to completely ignore your blog if you are even slightly interested in developing a following! Anyway, I haven't been entirely silent in the world of my web foot print. You see I've just discovered HubPages and I am entirely hooked. Have you heard of them? I feel like I must have been living under a rock to have missed them but I am hoping to make up for lost time!

HubPages are special one page web sites that you can write on specific topics that are of interest to you. Unlike a blog you are not confined to any one particular theme or interest. Sure in a personal blog I can tell you that I love a specific toy or share a cause I'm interested in but what makes hub pages unique is that the pages are stand alone. I don't know about you but when I write a great post it kind of makes me sad knowing that it will just become buried in my blog some where. With a blog things are only as good as the latest post. With HubPages I can make each standalone article it's own focus. I can promote it and make it the "Hub" or focal point on the web for my favorite things.

I'm really just getting started and I am so excited about the possibilities. One of the things that is very exciting to me is I can test out different topics and different SEO techniques on the hubpges and then apply the winning strategies over on my blog. There is also a way to make some money if you can write hubs that generate some traffic. I like that I can revisit my hub and make it better over time. Unlike a blog post a hub can evolve and grow.

My first hub which I wrote on baby wearing is already generating a little bit of traffic and I had fun writing about something I believe in. My girl is getting too old for wrapping but I got to relive it in my hub and potentially help other people who are interested in using slings or wraps to carry their babies.

You can check out HubPages and my hubs by going here.

Next Post: Wordless Wednesday

Here are some hops I'm joining today!

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity,Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Wonder. Next week 's topic is Listening.

Weekend of body art, complete chaos and fearless leaps!

2010-10-25T12:03:00.000-07:00

Topic of the week

Creativity

The ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, patterns, relationships,

or the like, and to create meaningful new ideas, forms, methods, interpretations, etc.

I have been doing a pretty crappy job over here at the blog lately. It is just that I have been sick. Not really sick. Just an annoying cold that both my husband and I have been sharing. Somehow The Girl had a slight sniffle while the two of us enjoyed copious snot, coughs and general achiness. She truly ran us ragged this weekend.

First we started with this:

She had gotten kind of quiet in the other room and when I went to see what she was up to this is what I saw. She had stripped naked and was in the process of drawing all over herself. When I asked her why she was doing it she said, "I like drawing on myself." Simple enough huh? She seemed so happy. You know, like she was really getting away with something. Kind of cracked me up. What was the harm anyway? They are "washable markers" right?

Well actually not. The truthful label might be "Semi-washable markers. will wipe off linoleum floors but takes two -three days to wear off skin if accompanied by lot of soap and water." Two baths and a shower later my daughter went to preschool with a slightly grey neck and other blotches that were concealed with clothing. I guess it kind of goes with the hair cut she gave herself a while back. I'm getting a little nervous about tattoos in her future but hopefully I have at least a year or two...

The house is a total disaster. I really didn't realize how much I normally keep up after her. Because we wer sick my Sweetie and let her amuse herself as much as possible. She spent a good 45 minutes taking everything out of her closet and piling things up in various locations around the house. Then she spilled every crayon and sticker out of their boxes and spent a good hour meticulously cutting scraps of orange and black paper and taping them around the house. "Look at my beautiful halloween decorations!"

It was great, as long as we stayed on the couch. Once we opted to move from our little haven we would be overwhelmed by the clutter and retreat hastily back with our orange juice in hand. Yes, she was entertaining herself even if it meant we might lose the house in the process.

At one point she ran into the bathroom "I have to go pee" and slammed the door. I hear her lock the door but didn't think much of it. She has been playing around with the idea of "privacy" and since she can now go pee by herself I figured she would surface in a little while. I might be risking an entire roll of toilet paper on the floor but what the heck, given the state of the house who would even notice.

Several minutes go by. I started to think she may have gotten distracted by something in her room on the way back but I wasn't really concerned when my sweetie heard a knock at the back door. There she was! I went to the door and saw the open bathroom window. I looked at my cheshire grinning daughter and asked, "Did you jump out that window?"

She replied, "I'm OK, I landed on my feet and everything"

Really?! I can't believe it. It isn't the highes jump but still! My husband chimes in with a helpful, "That's what babies do! (refer to this post for more on that!) and then the girl says, "Not all babies, just this baby."

I think she just may be right on that front. Not all babies for sure.

So how was your weekend?

Next Post : My new obsession with Hubpages

Here are the hops I'm participating in today!

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity,Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Creativity. Next week 's topic is Love.

Wordless Wednesday - Bacon!!

2010-10-20T00:50:00.000-07:00

Topic of the Week

Discipline

The ability to follow direction and the courage to do what is right.

Need I say more? (No, but I do here!)

If you have a Wordful, Wordless or Wordish post,

Please do link up here!

Stop by other Wordful Wednesday Posts at Parenting by Dummies

Wordish Wednesday's are brought to us by Supermom

Standard Wordless Wednesday Posts are available at

Wordless Wednesday

and

5 Minutes for Mom

Have a great post about Discipline?

Come share it.

Discipline Resources Linked up here!!

Next Post: Friday Fragments

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity,Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Discipline. Next week 's topic is Creativity.

Calling all mommy (and daddy) bloggers! Looking for help and inspiration on the topic of discipline!

2010-10-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

Topic of the Week

Discipline

The ability to follow direction and the courage to do what is right.

Wow, hard to believe that thirteen week's ago I introduced my first discipline week and here it is back upon us again!! Discipline is a cornerstone of good parenting. When I think of my personal failures over the course of my life it almost always comes down to a personal lack of self discipline. From a parenting perspective, of course I'd like it if my daughter did do what I asked her to do but more importantly I want to instill in her the self discipline I have never had. Tricky prospect eh? Teaching something you haven't really mastered yourself!

Exactly why I am reaching out and asking for help! Last Discipline week I started what I am calling a Resource Linky (hoping to grow this into a true resource library in the future!) on the topic of Discipline and three readers were kind enough to share their opinions and inspiration on the topic. I am sharing this linky and those resources again and ask for additional contributions. The Linky will be live in my sidebar all week and all Linky entries will be revisited during the next Discipline week in thirteen weeks too!! I hope this means ongoing clicks to your corner of cyberspace!

If you have ever written a good, funny, inspiring post on the topic of discipline this is the place to share it!

I look forward to checking out what everyone contributes!!

Next Post: Recent Discipline Foibles

Here are the hops I'm participating in today!

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity,Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Discipline. Next week 's topic is Creativity.

Wordless Wednesday - Hat Rap

2010-10-13T08:38:00.000-07:00

Topic of the Week

Fun

Finding enjoyment and playfulness.

Please Play the Caption Game if Linking up!

(Also, if you have a favorite fun post from your blog,
don't forget to join the FUN HOP in my side bar!)

Stop by other Wordful Wednesday Posts at Parenting by Dummies

Wordish Wednesday's are brought to us by Supermom

Even MORE words available in this recent

Everyday Mommy Post:

The Conversational Differences between Men and Women:

African Honey Badgers, Lesbian Porn and September 11, 2001

Standard Wordless Wednesday Posts are available at

Wordless Wednesday

and

5 Minutes for Mom

Next Post: Friday Fragments

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity, Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Fun. Next week 's topic is Discipline.

It's a Blog Hopping Fun Party with a visit to Toyland

2010-10-12T12:14:00.000-07:00

Topic of the Week

Fun

Finding enjoyment and playfulness.

Welcome blog hoppers! You've happened by Fun week over on the blog so I thought I'd do a Fun thing or two. First I am joining in a few blog hops... you know to get out there and meet some new folks. Scroll on down to the bottom of my post to join in too!

I'm also having a little FUN PARTYl of my own and I am inviting everyone who stops by to link up and say hello!

I have a little twist with my Link Up is I would like you to link up to one of your funniest or most enjoyable posts. This is your chance to breath new life in an old favorite post and showcase your blog. I will keep this carnival going in my sidebar for the next week so if you want to think about it you do have time! I will visit and comment on all linked posts and invite you to stop by the ones that sound interesting to you!

Go ahead... I know you have a post you want everyone to see!

Also in honor of FUN week I bring you the following... Remember all the fun games and and toys you played with as a kid? Then you will love this!!

There is a new documentary out and making the film festival rounds that tells the story of classic toy makers and inventors working on "the next big thing." Check out the fun! Visit the Toyland website and take a look at the trailer here:

Next Post: Wordless Wednesday

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity, Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Fun. Next week 's topic is Discipline.

The conversational differences between Men and Women: African Honey Badgers, Lesbian Porn and September 11, 2001.

2010-10-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

Topic of the Week

Fun

Finding enjoyment and playfulness.

Yesterday morning, as is sometimes our routine on lazy weekend mornings, the Hubbie and I talked over coffee about news, politics, various points of interest and the random tidbits we perused on the internet. Some how when this happens I invariably hit upon my great concern for the planet. A "what have we done and what can we do?" sort of approach which has me wax philosophically about the state of the planet and the difference I may or may not be able to make.

I recall a poignant news article about a lost child or a heroic account of a man bringing books, in the native language, to an African village that had never seen any previously. I was outraged by Rush Limbaugh and amused by Jon Stewart. I saw a great halloween craft for The Girl and I to try and I was interested in the benefits of our garlic consumption.

What about you, my darling? What have you seen this week?

A long pause and then a sudden, "Oh Sweetie, you have to search on African Honey Badger."

"African Honey Badger?"

"Yes. They are about the coolest, fiercest animals on the planet. You've got to see how they attack and eat snakes!"

My curiosity is piqued.

Yes they are cool, but how the heck did you happen upon them? What were you doing that had you find them.?

"Remember the conversation we had about Africanized Honey Bees?

(Vague recollection of a "conversation" from last week.: He was reminded of a bee sting The Girl got, while at the park several months ago, and said something like "we were lucky that bee wasn't an Africanized bee!" )

"Well I was looking at some Africanized Bee statistics and somewhere the badger was mentioned as being one of their only predators so I had to take a look!"

Fascinating! But Let's get back to the bigger world issues I was discussing! I direct the conversation back to the state of the country and random bits that caught my attention in a blog or two. Some how all of it brings me back to September 11, 2001. All the NYC Mosque controversy keeps the topic on the top of my hot list and I mention how at the time, I was living in New York and participating in Sweat Lodges and this American Indian Elder had shared something that I thought was pertinent still today.

The Elder said that he thought the biggest mistake people could make, with regard to remembering the fateful September day was to refer to it as September 11th. He said that one should always say September 11. 2001. It being important to designate the actual year and thus placing the date firmly in the past. The Elder felt that referring to the tragedy without the inclusion of the date gives it more power to continue destruction and by collectively placing the event in the past our country would be able to heal more quickly.

Ten years later, I see that his advice has not been followed, and I mused with my Sweetie wondering if it could have made a difference. I was feeling all philosophical at the moment and was wondering what perspective my hubbie might have on the matter.

He begins, "You might call me crazy..."

At this point I eagerly listen up. The Sweetie regularly shares opinions I haven't considered in my personal assessment of world events and requires me to give up much righteous indignation. It felt like one of these moments might be upon me. That is until he continued...

"You might call me crazy but all this talk of Sweat Lodges has me imagining a great porn movie. Couldn't you see it? Lesbian lovers meet in the heat and steam of a possibly psychedelic sweat lodge. There could be a nice back story but they come together in the swirling heat and fire of the lodge. I'm thinking of a Red Shoes Diary sort of thing, not hard core porn or anything like that.

What do you think? Couldn't it be great?"

I am laughing hysterically at this point.

My philosophical discussion succumbs a banal transfiguration and the conversation is no longer mine. More specific details about camera angles and lighting follow.

"Every man thinks he would make a great porn director." my hubbie concludes.

And I conclude, not even the most horrific events will ever overshadow this reality.

Next Post: Some big fun!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've decided to branch out and make some more friends today!

Welcome Monday hoppers!!

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity, Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Fun. Next week 's topic is Discipline.

Wordless Wednesday - Can I paint your hair Mommy?

2010-10-06T10:39:00.000-07:00

Topic of the week

Flexibility

The ability to adapt and generate creative options

rather than to obsess, worry and control.

Yep, I said yes.

If you have a Wordless, Wordish or
Wordful Post please link up here!

Stop by other Wordful Wednesday Posts at Parenting by Dummies

Wordish Wednesday's are brought to us by Supermom

Even MORE words available in this recent

Everyday Mommy Post:

How I Lost track of my Child Twice in One Day!

Standard Wordless Wednesday Posts are available at

Wordless Wednesday

and

5 Minutes for Mom

Next Post: Friday Fragments

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity, Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Flexibility. Next week 's topic is Fun.

Surprising Flexibility

2010-10-04T09:54:00.000-07:00

Topic of the week

Flexibility

The ability to adapt and generate creative options

rather than to obsess, worry and control.

This topic has come along at a perfect time! Particularly the part about "obsess, worry and control." I have always considered myself a flexible gal, creative and able to think quickly on my feet but I am here to report my three year old is showing me the ropes! As I have been caring for her this past weekend, I told you on Friday that she was sick, I realize all of my actions fall directly in the CONTROL category.

First, when she was really sick (102 fever, copious snot and sad glazed eyes) I wanted nothing more then to make her feel better. I HATED seeing her so miserable. I pulled out all the stops and even let her watch WAY MORE television then should ever be allowed, much of which she thankfully slept through. I started her beloved Shrek Movie (became a favorite when we traveled to my Mom's when it became our go to traveling distraction.) on three different occasions but she never made it through. She kept falling asleep and that made me feel like I was helping.

Later when she started to feel better and actually wanted to do stuff, too sick to leave the house but no more lethargy, this is where I really saw my inner control freak take over. I normally keep Sweets very busy with play dates and outings but when confined solely to the house for four days I really was starting to get a little nuts. Everything we did, paint, playdoh, puppet shows seemed to involve getting copious amounts of materials out and the entertainment factor lasted less then 10 minutes and left me with a huge mess. I didn't want to turn to the television but it was the only thing I could get her interested in that gave me a few minutes to myself.

My sweet hubby also caught the bug so a great deal of my control antics were designed to help him get some extra rest time as well. Weekends are called Dad days in our house and Dad usually has some great outings planned for us but because he wasn't feeling well all I had were the tired art supply bins and toys that just didn't hold our interest.

Finally, on the fourth day, my house and order be damned, I just let go... I lied out all sorts of things, books, playdoh, games and blocks, ignoring the already catastrophic mess, and let The Girl alone. Instead of trying to control the process "Let's paint on THIS paper." or "Put those things away before we do something else." I just let it all go. For more the three hours Sweets entirely entertained herself! I had the same huge mess as before but the entertainment factor was SO much higher. She piled an odd assortment of objects into shopping bags and the storage ottoman, she painted her body instead of paper and generally combined and used every art supply we had on hand. She was having a great time.

Daddy was resting, I was playing around with my blogging and everything was fine. The mess was terrifying but I had already trained my Girl to keep playdoh and paint in specific zones so the worst did not happen. Yes, she required a shower to get the paint out of her hair but she didn't paint the couch or even drip paint on the only rug in the house. The playdoh did get a little crusty because she forgot to put it back into containers before moving on and I'm sure several magic markers are still without their caps but the experiment was a grand success.

How many times have I tried to force The Girl into my idea of what play looks like just to control the outcome, to keep her busy for 15 minutes while I cook lunch or use art supplies ONLY for their intended use? Now I'm not advocating the complete chaos as a normal approach but once in a while I think it is a great idea. Once I got my obsessive controlling ways out of the way Sweets was free to explore and remained interested in her own stuff,

When I was a kid, I could disappear for hours to work on all sorts of projects and I'm hopeful that by getting out of her way I can give Sweets the same gift of fun, and discovery.

Today the game will be to see if we can find her room and the family room again but I am going to do my best not to control the process. (To update you on the status of everyone: I felt Sweets was well enough to go to school this morning but we will skip our usual Monday Park play date, I don't want to push her too hard. The runny nose is completely gone but she does still have a bit of a cough. Daddy is also feeling much better and is braving it for a half day of work.)

Next Post: A Grand Plan

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity, Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Flexibility. Next week 's topic is Fun.

Friday Fragments - Sickly Space Edition

2010-09-30T22:48:00.000-07:00

Topic of the week

Humility

The quality or condition of being humble;

imitate Jesus and Socrates.

It's Friday so you know what that means. Time for our weekly installment of fragmenty goodness. Brought to us by Mrs. 4444 over at Half-Past Kissin' Time. Do stop by and visit all the other fragmenty goodness!

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Thanks for stopping by! It is Thursday evening as I type this. I am sitting next to my poor sick sweets who woke with a fever a runny nose this morning. She fell asleep around 7:00pm, a good two hours earlier then normal and I was hopeful she might stay asleep. It did happen once in her 3.5 years of life! Obviously I was not so fortunate this time around. We are watching the Aristocats, for the thousandth time. A treat I have been trying to wean her from, but at the Thousandth viewing you can tell how successful I have been! The poor thing has tears and snot running down her face and she cries intermittently because it is hard to breath... so pitiful I can hardly deny her anything.

It is so hard seeing your child feel miserable. Fingers crossed that she is doing much better tomorrow!

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Did you see that news article about the possibly habitable planet in our galactic neighborhood? The whole thing makes me giddy with excitement. Not that it really matters to me personally. I'll be long dead before people have even the remotest chance of a visit but it gives me hope. Hope that we humans could possibly find something to which to put our collective effort. For whatever reason just living happily on this planet alone has never done the trick. Maybe, just maybe, a big unifying objective could provide enough impetus to bury our petty differences. The apollo project did great things for the United States and even those not personally involved felt great accomplishment on a human level when Neal Armstrong took that "giant leap for mankind."

Alright, maybe I've watched too much science fiction but the world that allows for interstellar travel appears a whole heck of a lot more compassionate, interesting and forward thinking then what we have going on around us at the moment!

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I saw the headline "Do Mean Mom's Rule the Mom Space?" and found myself on Jennifer James's blog where she tells us that she has been having this conversation regularly as of late and she asks readers to chime in. I felt compelled to comment. I have been blogging for over a year now (here and on EverydayBlissBlog.com) and I have NEVER received one mean spirited comment. I have found the entire blogging community to be welcoming and supportive. I have made several very good friends and am delighted regularly by the good will I see.

In my estimation, "Mean Moms" are great tweet fodder but in reality very few exist and the ones that do rule little more then their sad little lives.

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I was forwarded this Huffington Post Article by Bill Maher and it totally amused me. I'm not generally a huge Bill Maher fan, I find him very abrasive, but this had so many grains of truth in it I had to laugh.

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For those of you checking in on the status of the Everyday Bliss blog I have some good news and some bad news. I have decided I will be doing a complete overhaul of the whole thing, which is super exciting and keeping me VERY busy. The bad news is I don't see myself being ready to relaunch until the end of the year at the earliest, and more likely, will not be ready to relaunch until January. In blog years that is probably an eternity but let me promise you now that it will be worth the wait!!

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Here is my weekly installment of "Stuff the Girl Says"

‎"Where is my true love? What's their name?" (Uh oh, fairytale indoctrination already under way!)

‎"Caterpillar's go in closely silk blankets and come out butterflies -isn't that cool mom!"

"When the Ronious is in the zone, leave her alone!" (Refer to this post for the definition of a Ronious!)

"Mommy are you a little old?"
This statement spawned an interesting Facebook conversation in which my friend told me his three year old had asked, "Daddy, are you gonna die?" To which I replied, "Sweets asks me when I am going to die regularly. "Will it be amorrow or another day?" I always tell her I'll try not to make it "amorrow!"

And my favorite this week:

‎"I think it was a really great day today mommy."

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Here's wishing you a really great day too!

Next Post: More humility or possibly some flexibility!

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity, Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Humility. Next week 's topic is Flexibility.

Wordless Wednesday - Look who cut her hair!

2010-09-29T07:55:00.000-07:00

Topic of the week

Humility

The quality or condition of being humble;

imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Considering the pile of hair left by the sink, the hair cut she gave herself isn't too bad! Read about the day that led to this grand conclusion here. I actually lost track of her twice in one day!!

If you are playing Wordful or Wordless Wednesday,

do Link up here!

Stop by other Wordful Wednesday Posts at Parenting by Dummies

Even MORE words available in this recent

Everyday Mommy Post:

How I Lost track of my Child Twice in One Day!

Standard Wordless Wednesday Posts are available at

Wordless Wednesday

and

5 Minutes for Mom

Next Post: Friday Fragments

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity, Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Humility. Next week 's topic is Flexibility.

I lost track of my child TWICE in one day!!!

2010-09-28T12:25:00.000-07:00

Topic of the week

Humility

The quality or condition of being humble;

imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Last Friday was a bad parenting day for me. It all started with an innocent play date over at a friend's where I convinced myself that I heard The Girl and her friends in the back yard. They had just been there minutes before surly they were just hiding. Gentle calls for them to come out of their hiding spot morphed into loud screams and frantic running all over the neighborhood. There was an inviting school playground right across the street but would either kid actually cross the street after being ingrained with "Never Cross the street without a mommy or daddy!"? Ten to fifteen frantic minutes felt like many hours. Do we call the police? Where could they be?

Finally we see a worried looking man pointing down the street at the end of the block. A crying Samuel is returned to my friend's arms. My girl is still missing. "Samuel where is Sweets? Where were you?" He points down the very long street and my daughter visible as only a speck is running down the sidewalk, thankfully in my direction! I meet up with the entirely unfazed girl. Samuel knew he shouldn't go so far away from home but my girl didn't think anything was wrong. "But I stayed on the sidewalk! Wasn't that safe?"

A women with her small child approached us. She had seen the kids and asked them where they lived. Sweets had pointed in some other direction and according to the women was happily skipping down the street, helping herself to people's mail (apparently the mailboxes mounted street side were way to inviting!) When the women had approached them Samuel had run back, in the direction of his house crying but The Girl had just continued happily along.

On one hand I am glad she feels secure enough to venture away from us but it is becoming increasingly difficult to keep her safe. I am convinced she now knows that she should have a mommy or daddy with her BEFORE she turns any corner in addition to not crossing a street (and it isn't acceptable to take other people's mail) but in the case of less defined places I don't think she'll consider slowing down. I'm still not sure how long it would take her to think she was lost. Samuel was so upset but Sweets never looked back.

At her preschool they were considering a field trip to a local park but I did not think I could allow The Girl to attend when I wasn't there. One parent to four kids works very well in the contained preschool grounds but if Sweets could make a break from our friends yard it isn't hard to imagine a momentary lapse in attention resulting in her wandering off. In ten minutes who knows where she might go.

Later that same day we were back home and I decided to take a shower. Sweets joined me but when it came time to dry my hair she fled the scene. She went into her room and appeared to get busy with her legos. She closed the door and was very quiet. I could see her closed door from where I was drying my hair and I proceeded. On several occasions I turned off the hairdryer and glanced towards her door. The door was still closed and she was very quiet, which should have been my first clue that something was up but since she has recently gotten in the habit of playing with her toys while in her closet I just figured she was still in there.

As I put my hairdryer away The Girl was suddenly in my room, "Look mommy, I cut my hair!" (Tune in tomorrow for the photos) Oh no! I glance and see her door is still closed but she was not in there! She had left her room, closed the door behind her, found some scissors, climbed up on the sink in the other bathroom to look in the mirror and managed to cut her hair all without making enough noise for me to notice! OK the hairdryer makes noise but I stopped and listened several times and not once did I hear anything!

We live in a very small house. It is hard to do anything without being heard in another room. I regularly do things in the kitchen or my bedroom while leaving Sweets to play on her own. I've always felt confident I would hear if anything was going awry. The level of stealth required to pull off her new hair style was truly impressive and fairly disturbing! For the second time in one day I had lost track of my daughter.

My mother tells stories about me leaving our house and wandering the neighborhood when I was a preschooler. Her favorite is the story how I at about age 4, took my three year old sister in tow, and showed up at a neighbor's house at O'dark thirty in the morning asking for breakfast. "My mommy isn't up and I am hungry. Can we have some food." was my greeting! My husband's sister says they had to tie him to a tree to keep him from wandering off so it is clear Sweets comes by her wanderlust naturally. I can only hope the ability to keep wandering children alive is an equally inherited trait!

If you have any tips for keeping track of kids, and/or for teaching them to stay near, I'd love to hear!

Next Post: The haircut photos!

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity, Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Humility. Next week 's topic is Flexibility.

Why do you do what you do?

2010-09-27T10:39:00.000-07:00

Topic of the week

Humility

The quality or condition of being humble; imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Ahh humility. What a great topic! I thought I would share about the haircut the girl gave herself in today's post but I think I'll save that for Wednesday... perfect wordless Wednesday fodder... although I expect I'll have something to say on the matter. So much for wordless!

Anyway, I suppose today's post is a bit of a follow up on my last post. I don't think that many people read it but I am still fired up. Last night I watched this 60 Minutes story on the so called (incorrectly, I might add) "Mosque at Ground Zero" and am more convinced then ever that the hateful rhetoric about the Community Center is racist and does nothing to honor the poor people who lost their lives that fateful September day.

And then today I read my online friend, Chris Guillebeau's Art of Nonconformity Dispatch in which he says, "It All Starts with Asking Why, and Not Enough People Are Asking." Now he wasn't talking about the NYC Community Center but I think the question is so profound and worth asking in EVERY context I thought it was worth sharing here.

Regarding the Mosque a few good why's might be,

"Why has the local community already said yes, 4 times, to the project?"

"Why has it become a political issue at all?"

Here is an interesting post that may answer these questions for you.

Chris shared the prolog to his new book in the dispatch:

When you were a kid and wanted to do something your parents or teachers didn't like, you may have heard the question, "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?" The idea is that it's not good to do something stupid, even if everyone else is doing it. The logic isthink for yourself instead of following the crowd. It's not bad advice, even if it's sometimes used to exert control more than to support independent thinking.

But one day, you grow up and suddenly the tables are turned. People start expecting you to behave very much like they do. If you disagree and don't conform to their expectations, some of them get confused or irritated. It's almost as if they are asking: "Hey, everyone else is jumping off the bridge. Why aren't you?"

As many of you are aware, my Everyday Bliss feed was hacked so I stopped blogging over there. My idea was to start again once it was "fixed" and/or when I decided what I want to do with it. I am using the interruption as inspiration for redesigning the whole thing and now, as I am considering what it is I want to do with the whole thing, there again is Chris Guillebeau's question. "Why?" Why do I want to re-make the Everyday Bliss blog and what will that accomplish? I did my year long experiment, is it time for something else?

I've already put feelers out for redesigning the whole thing and adding a bunch of cool features I had wished were there from the beginning and have even thought of a few, *gasp* e-commerce sort of components that could be added but as I sit here today and ask "Why?" I realize my answers are not quite so forthcoming. Given the sate of the universe is "Bliss" where I should be concentrating? Could I make a bigger difference and/or have more fun if I did something different? As I sit here now I'm not sure but I want you to know I am asking myself why. When I am satisfied with my answer, I'll be sure to let you know!

Have you asked yourself "Why" today?

Next Post: Parenting Humility

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity, Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Humility. Next week 's topic is Flexibility.

I can no longer be silent while my country is hijacked by crazies.

2010-09-25T08:09:00.000-07:00

Topic of the week

Empowerment

Foster individual self-discovery and self-esteem.

Validate trying, taking healthy risks, and listening to inner truths.

I took some time to visit some fellow Friday Fragmenters last week and was pointed to a fabulous blog post over on Barnmaven's Clean Shavings. The post was regarding the so called "Ground Zero Mosque" (I highly recommend you read the post for your self!) and I was particularly moved by these words in her piece,

I don't want to have this argument with her. It is heartbreaking to think that someone I know and like can even think about participating in this campaign of hate and lies. But there it is. People I know, people I even like, they may think this way.

I feel this way a lot. I am a go with the flow or don't cause waves sort of gal. When I was in high school I was the class clown. It was a defensive posture. It made it possible for me to espouse all sorts of crazy ideas and if they didn't land well it was ok, I could laugh it off and folks could move on. "Oh that was just Kathy being silly."

I don't expect everyone to agree with me and I even enjoy a spirited discourse but somehow it seems to me that chancing disagreement is a lost art. In school I remember being forced to debate the side of an argument I didn't necessarily agree with just for the experience. The exchange could get heated but at the end of class friendships were not lost. We still had to live with each other and it wasn't worth the energy to maintain a grudge.

Now here in my grown up life it isn't quite that easy. I have a tight knit group of friends with whom I feel kindred political views and a few old time friends who I can share my special brand of eccentric but I really don't want to go around shocking neighbors or taking on every old facebook friend who says things with which I completely disagree.

No, I really don't WANT to do it, but I am starting to fear that if I don't speak up my silence will begin to be counted as acceptance. I do not believe every Islamic person is a terrorist, I in fact believe only a crazy few have any hateful designs on America. I feel the racist out cry regarding the NYC Mosque is despicable. My friend Walter summed it up nicely.

Anyone advocating for the curtailing of the civil liberties of Muslim-Americans has already forgotten the internment camps for the Japanese-Americans during World War II, the Anti-Chinese Labor Laws from the 1800s, Anit-Irish Labor Laws, Slavery, Suffrage and so on--and you are a bigot.

Fear mongering by detestable people in the media, Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh come immediately to mind, is legitimizing hate. I heard their rantings as crazy talk, certain that reasonable people would not be persuaded but as I write this I learn that friends of friends are being hassled, bricks tossed in their windows all for being suspected of being muslim. This type of behavior has got to stop. The quiet "busy REASONABLE majority", as Jon Stewart refer's to them need to start talking and fighting back.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Rally to Restore Sanity

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor

Tea Party

Our country is founded in tolerance. Tolerance for different religions, tolerance for different cultures, tolerance for different ideas. It is time for the tolerant majority to speak up and keep the extremists from hijacking our country.

I can no longer be silent, how about you?

Next Post: Guess who cut her own hair?

My Thirteen Virtues of Great Parenting are:

Fun, Discipline, Creativity, Love, Wonder, Listening, Curiosity, Compassion,

Trust, Acceptance, Empowerment, Humility and Flexibility

This week is all about Empowerment. Next week 's topic is Humility.